Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
