there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize