why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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