we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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