I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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