I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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