I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
