its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.