I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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