I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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