I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
