I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
