I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
