if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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