White coat. Heels.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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