Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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