i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
