sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize