This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
