I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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