I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
