Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize