It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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