That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
