ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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