I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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