apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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