Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
