As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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