I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
