I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.