I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.