i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.