the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
