so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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