booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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