The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...