omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.