started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there