I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.