Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.