i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.