I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.