I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages