im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend