I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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