eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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