just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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