Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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