I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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