My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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