these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
