I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize