I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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