I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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