Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
