quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
