I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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