47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
